50's Grill

Another takeaway menu fell though my letterbox this morning, normally i just put them in the pile with all the other practically identical menus and leave it be. This one however managed to irritate me something rotten.


How many grills/diners circa 1950 do you know that sold halal meat let alone curries and paninis? Now you might be thinking 'Hold your horses, you haven't looked inside yet. Maybe the inside can yet redeem the '50's Grill'.

Well no it can't


Old school dishes? Old school dishes? They're not old school dishes, they're the standard curries you'd expect in any curry house (or in this case 50s grill). Maybe you'd like something from the grill which enticed you in the first place, well i'd stay clear of the 50s Special burger or as most people would call it a cheese burger with some onions. There is nothing 'Special' about putting onions on a cheese burger. Or maybe you'd like to try the 'Relish Burger' described as 'a burger smoothered with relish'. Fancy that! A relish buger has relish on it!


Ahh fuck it! All this anger has made me peckish, think i'll order a 50's Tortila Wrap.

What Does This Button Do?

My search for a job reaches new levels of incompetence with this delight

Hi

Thanks for your email.

Would it be possible if you could POST me your CV as I am having problems downloading & printing the CV for my Recruitment Manager.

Please post your CV ASAP as the deadline for the CV'S is SATURDAY 16TH MAY 2009.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Having trouble downloading and printing? It's an attachment! Just open it and press print for fucks sake! It amazes me that people like this can get dressed by themselves let alone get a job.

Sorry But No Round 2

Let's begin with

Dear Milo_Myage

Administration Assistant

Further to your recent application for the above position, we have now had the opportunity to review all the applications.

Although we were impressed with the quality of all the applications received, I regret to inform you that, on this occasion, there were candidates whose background and skills more closely matched the job specification than your own. However, we will keep your details on file should a suitable vacancy arise in the near future.

We would like to take this opportunity to thank you for the interest you have shown in our firm, and wish you all the best with your continuing job search.

Kind regards.

and move on to

Dear Milo_Myage

Thank you for applying for the position of Sales Assistant

We have received a high volume of applications for this specific role and unfortunately on this occasion other candidates have demonstrated greater suitability for interview.

You have demonstrated the attributes we look for at ****** and we will keep reviewing your application against other suitable roles as they arise.

We would also encourage you to go to www.*******.jobs and register for job alerts in order to be the first to hear of our new vacancies.

Once again we would like to thank you for your interest in *******.

Kind Regards,

Next up we have short and to the point

Dear Milo_Myage

INTERVIEW

Following your recent interview I regret to inform you that you have been unsuccessful on this occasion.

I wish you every success in finding suitable employment in the future.

Yours sincerely

and to round off Aprils rejections

Dear Milo_Myage

Re: Part Time Resourcing Assistant

Thank you for your recent application for the above position.

Due to the high level of applications, which matched the criteria of the role more closely than you, I regret to inform you that on this occasion your application was unsuccessful.

We hope you will not hesitate to apply for other suitable positions that we advertise in the future.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your interest in *********** and I would like to wish you every success in finding a suitable position.

Kind regards

So that was April. Well Aprils e-mail rejections, the retro letters are on my floor somewhere probably under all the dirty washing. Not really that many for a month but thats more to do with companies not even bothering to get back to me (some don't even bother to call you after you've been for an interview) than me being lazy. Instead of monthly updates i'm gonna start posting them up as i get them to give me something to do more than anything else. So until the next rejection.

While You Were Sleeping

I've been awake for the last 9 hours, during this time normally reserved for sleep i have learned that...

...Rob Grant was the talented one
or at least that's how it appears after watching the first 2 episodes of 'Back to Earth'. I initially thought that it had no laughter track but maybe we just haven't got to a joke yet. Even worse unless there are a few surprises in the final episode the plot seems to be pulled straight from The League of Gentlemen film, if this is to become a staple way to revive sitcoms of the past can 'Dinner ladies' or 'The Thin Blue Line' please be next.

...Michelle Ryan has stolen someone else's voice
There were time in yesterdays Dr Who when it didn't look or sound like her voice was actually coming from her mouth, saying that i didn't spend an awful lot of time staring at her mouth. But anyway a show about flying metal stingrays and not a single distasteful Steve Irwin joke in sight. Overall it left me cold, i mean parts of it made no sense, how exactly did hitting the cold cup with the hammer help?

...Calvin Harris wasn't the worst thing i saw all night
That honour goes to the new Noisettes video, firm contender for most disappointing track or the year so far. At least Calvin's making slight progress, at this rate he'll be listenable in a few decades.

...At 5am the only half decent thing on is
Ninja Warrior and that's only because Ideal World got boring after an hour of the 13 in 1 ladder for only £90 and that leads me on to

...Ideal World's sales tactics are a bit full on
If you don't buy this ladder your going to suffer a horrible ladder related accident the next time you need to paint a ceiling. It's ok though because i firmly believe if a job requires me to climb a ladder it'll be quicker and easier just to get a man in to do it for me leaving me to make him a cup of tea in an old mug so he doesn't ruin a nice one with his coarse, work hardened hands.

and finally

...i'm too tired to write a coherent post

Sorry But No

Dear Milo_Myage

Administration Assistant

Further to your recent application for the above position, we have now had the opportunity to review all the applications.

Although we were impressed with the quality of all the applications received, I regret to inform you that, on this occasion, there were candidates whose background and skills more closely matched the job specification than your own. However, we will keep your details on file should a suitable vacancy arise in the near future.

We would like to take this opportunity to thank you for the interest you have shown in our firm, and wish you all the best with your continuing job search.

Kind regards.

Or how about

Thank you for you application for the position of Office Trainee with ********, we had an exceptional response in reply for this advertisement and could not interview everybody who applied.

In your instance we will not be taking your application any further, we wish you success in finding a suitable position in the near future.

Or maybe you'd prefer

Thank you for your recent job application for the role of Part Time Sales Consultant

I really appreciate the time you have put into this but unfortunately I won’t be taking your application any further. While I can't always provide detailed feedback, there were other candidates more suitable for this position.

Thanks again for your interest in us and do keep your eye out for new opportunities on our website which is regularly updated. Use your login details to save a search and we will email you jobs that match.

In the meantime, I wish you every success in the future.

Life on Mars – A Reappraisal

On the 9th of January 2006 at 9pm I like millions of other people sat down to watch the 1st episode of the new BBC drama series, ‘Life on Mars’. By 10pm I was hooked and a fan for life, at least I thought I was.

Thanks to the News of the World and the persistence of certain family members I was able to give the show another viewing, running through both series with some speed. I kinda wish I hadn’t bothered, then I’d still happy memories of enjoying it the first time around.

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not a terrible show, just not the same one that I remember watching at the time. I remember a 70s cop show with an interesting Sci-fi twist smartly blended in, what I’ve just watched is a 70s cop show with a Sci-fi twist intruding with the subtlety of a painter with hands made of pork.

After a couple of episodes the whole ‘am I in a coma?’ shtick totally runs out of ideas and your left with the same old Vs new conflict to play out again and again. By series 2 it’s become an exercise in treading water with only bright orange inflatable armbands keeping it afloat. When you think about it Sam doesn’t even need to be from the future to achieve the same personality clash between him and Gene. He could just be a more progressive style of police officer then they could have removed all the talking to his television that punctures and slows the quality nostalgia-fest that makes up the rest of the show.

Prior to being picked up by the BBC it had been worked on by Channel 4 who decided not to pursue the idea further because ‘it’s going to be silly’. They were right. It might have worked as a more streamlined 4-6 hour mini series but the premise didn’t have the legs for 16 hour long episodes.

Well, Well, Well

I hope anyone who wanted the mix tape i put on here has already got it because the post and the file at megaupload have both mysteriously vanished.

I think it was the nazis but it could have been anyone.