Thursday, June 25, 2009

Shadow Boxer

One day I'm going to be faced with reviewing a film so bad and so dull on all levels that writing anything even remotely interesting is going to be nigh on impossible. Luckily a well placed comedy erection means that moment has not come just yet. Shadow Boxer stars a bald guy and his mustache sporting friend who appear to be Hong Kong's answer to the Chuckle Brothers. Paul (bald) and Barry (mustache) are travelling salesmen, trying to pedal some ancient Viagra pill and generally get something for nothing.

Paul and Barry soon find themselves mistaken for great kung-fu fighters and are hired by a village to save them from the bandits milking the town for protection money. This is where Barry meets the cockacidal maniac that makes this film something special. Luckily she is one of the few characters given a name, which is good because I've run out of Chuckle Brothers to name them after. So, Deadly Tigress (oddly named i must admit) has a serious addiction to cock. So serious is her addiction it has claimed the lives of her 11 previous husbands and she has Barry in line to be number 12. Unfortunately Barry's performance is not up to the high standards of Tigress so she gives Barry a little dose of some serious pharmaceutical that helps the situation on its way. The problem comes the next morning when Barry is still as stiff as a board and more than a little worn out, all he wants to do is have a rest and maybe put a bit of ice on his swollen genitals. A nasty little bandit has other plans and engages Barry in a spot of fisticuffs, watching a man fight while hunched over to hide his erection is pure comedy gold.

So yeah the bandit gang have got the village terrified, which is a little strange considering the bandits are led by a guy who somehow resembles both Shawn Ryder and Bez. His task of being an intimidating villain is made even harder by his dubbed voice making him sound like a schizophrenic Scooby-Doo villain. Oh and he's also frightened of Deadly Tigress because he thinks her vagina has teeth, which to be fair it might i mean it would explain a lot. He also refuses to take protection money from the handicapped which while a noble gesture is hardly good for his ruthless tough guy image.

The big joke here is that they are mistaken for great fighters but are really just making it up as they go along. The problem is that they are clearly fairly good fighters pretending to be shit (a bit like Joey is Friends only he's shit pretending to be really shit). It's like Pacino and De Niro playing the Chuckle Brothers in a Hollywood remake, while it would be a fantastic spectacle you'd never believe it.

1 comment:

James said...

So why exactly is it called 'Shadow Boxer'? Surely 'Cock Boxer' would have been more apt.